ARTICLE
The Magic Happens When We’re Not Asking For Gifts
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Updated - 05/19/2025
If donor prospects of America’s 1.5 million nonprofits spanning all different sizes, missions, and parts of the country articulate one complaint in common about our sector, it’s this: “We only hear from you when you’re asking for our money.”
As a fundraising trainer/consultant, I preach that we solicit gifts for specific amounts, purposes, and timelines without fear, anxiety, or hesitation. That is an absolute!
But we should never lose sight of the fact that the solicitation is just a single moment in the gifting continuum that begins with “It’s a pleasure to meet you” and culminates with “Many thanks for your gift of time, talent, and treasure.”
So much has to happen before and after the solicitation if the outcome is to be favorable (and at the amount requested). If the phases of cultivation and stewardship aren’t adeptly conducted it won’t matter how brilliantly the ask is made.
The time devoted to interacting with donor prospects when money is not being discussed is when true bonding occurs and alignment on values, priorities, and needs. Professional and volunteer nonprofit leaders need to make the most of every one of these possibilities.
Based on a career leading advancement for three institutions of higher education, and as a fundraising trainer/consultant for the past seven years, here are 10 lessons that deserve to be highlighted.
- If you want donor prospects to love your organization, you must show that you love them first. Learn everything possible about their stories, backgrounds, and interests. This should go far beyond Googling them. The best way is to ask them in person or virtually. Make them feel comfortable and they will cherish telling their stories.
- There is a timeless adage: Ask for money and you will get advice but genuinely ask for advice and the door opens for gifts. Your nonprofit is in the business of solving societal problems. Early conversations should concentrate on getting donor prospects to share their experience, wisdom, and personal insights on those challenges.
- Your job is to actively listen, not to brag about your nonprofit. Our mentor, Laura Fredricks, J.D., founder, and best-selling author of The Ask, likes to describe a productive meeting as when the donor prospect is speaking 75% of the time, and the nonprofit representative only 25% of the time. That makes it essential that the nonprofit leader make every moment they have count in guiding the conversation with questions that reveal what is most important to donor prospects.
- Find out how donor prospects prefer to communicate. There are an ever-growing variety of choices. Everyone is different. Some people like to meet in person. Seize those occasions. But geography and schedules may present obstacles. So, there is ubiquitous email, text, videoconference, phone, and social media. Also find out if the party is a morning, afternoon, or night person.
- My personal favorite is sending handwritten notes. People are bombarded by email, text, and phone calls, but handwritten notes sent via snail mail will really stand out and be remembered.
- You can’t thank donors too much. We advocate the 7X rule of thumb: Donors should be thanked seven times throughout the year for their last gift. This can take forms ranging from gift receipts, immediate phone calls, recognition on social media and websites, and private and public gatherings. By the way, having board members and other volunteers make random calls to donors having no other agenda but expressing gratitude is a great way to introduce board members skeptical of fundraising to the process outside of asking.
- Giving donors opportunities to meet in person with the beneficiaries of their generosity — such as scholarship recipients — is a “secret sauce” of stewardship. You will see smiles on the faces of donors, solicitors and benefactors alike.
- Celebrate donor-versaries. Send simple cards thanking donors for continued support on one-, two-, three-year and so on milestones of first gifts.
- Inform donors of the impact of gift dollars. Beware of factoid fatigue. Research consistently shows that testimonials from those whose lives are being touched, improved and saved are much more effective than statistics and bar graphs.
- A no-no: Avoid the temptation to thank and solicit in the same communication. That diminishes the value of the stewardship effort.
The goal in resource development is never one-time transactions. Instead, we are looking to nurture lifetime friendships (notice we’re not saying relationships) that grow closer and closer over time and result in true partnerships in which donors and nonprofits join together to champion mutual visions of a better world.
Discover How to Maximize the Lifetime Value of Your Donor Database!
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